


The finale

by Musichick2004



Series: Old and New [13]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Anger, Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Leaving Home, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 01:03:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7869250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musichick2004/pseuds/Musichick2004
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has barely come home this case, and when he finally does, he's broken inside. Trying to deal with grief, shock, betrayal, and the intense joy of meeting someone so important, brings him to a conclusion Jethro can't bear to hear. But he does. Because it's his job to be there for Tony when he needs it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The finale

**Author's Note:**

> Bold Italics indicate signing. I tried to make it easy to follow.

Jethro paced up and down the living room, phone in hand. This was the second night Tony hadn’t come home. He hadn’t even called. Four texts in almost 48 hours wasn’t enough, and it was midnight, and Jethro was panicking. “Lee, come on,” Katherine tried to grab his shoulder, but he brushed her off. “Abby’s called me a few times now. He’s working this case. It’s hard on all of them.”   
  
“It’d be nice if he’d tell ME that.” Jethro growled.    
  
“You know he can’t. You'd pry everything out of him when he doesn't have the time, energy, or legal ability to talk about it. Abby said it was higher than her normal clearance, even. You may have contracts, but your clearance is limited to ‘need-to-know’ for the cases you help with, and you’re NOT helping here.”    
  
Damn Katherine and her logic. “I could—“   
  
“No. You can’t. You promised.” She hissed at him as she folded her arms. “He needs to know you’re keeping your word. Abby said he’s getting your texts. It’s the only time he’s actually relieved to see his phone. Just be there for him, and for when he gets home. I’m going to be too busy with Abby—whatever is going on, she’s not handling it well either—so you’re going to have to put on your big girl panties, Jethro, and deal with him.”   
  
Jethro flopped onto the couch with a snarl. “I’m useless here.”   
  
Katherine sat next to him and hugged him, “No, you’re not. You’re a big grumbling oaf, but you’re not useless. You’re taking care of your family. You’re doing everything you promised to do. And you’ll be here waiting when Tony comes back.”    
  
Jethro grunted. “I don’t grumble.”   
  
Katherine chuckled, “bullshit. Look, you’re worried. So am I. Abby is…” she sighed, “this is more than just a case, and I can’t get her to talk about it. She’s not OK, so Tony probably isn’t either, but they have each other right now. And they need to solve this before it gets worse, or they crack, and knowing we’re here and we’re safe, and Anna is safe, and at least some part of their lives is OK? Maybe that will help them come home sooner.”   
  
Jethro nodded then changed the subject. “Pulled pork for dinner tomorrow?” It was Tony’s turn to cook, but obviously he wasn’t going to be fit for that, even if he came in the front door that very moment.   
  
Katherine smiled, “sounds good. Leave the spicy sauce for topping this time—poor Anna freaked when you mixed it in.”   
  
Jethro chuckled at the memory and agreed. He kissed Katherine on the cheek and headed upstairs to climb into bed and hope for sleep he knew wouldn’t come.   
  
*****   
  
Jethro stretched as his alarm blared. Maybe he did get some sleep after all. He reached toward the empty half of the bed and felt the covers disheveled under his hand. A dip in the pillow told him Tony had come home at some point during the night, but was already gone. A note was stuck to the bathroom mirror, and Jethro read it with a sigh.   
  
“Wish I could be home. <3 T”   
  
“I wish you could too.” He whispered, and tucked the note into the pocket of his polo shirt as he brushed his teeth.   
  
*****

Dada was HOME! He was so mad and sad and gone for too long, and now he was home lots. He even let her have donuts if she didn't tell mum. She missed his silly nose and how fast they went when he pushed her stroller in the mornings. ZOOOMMM!

But Dada wasn't goofy smiling. No matter how much she tried, Anna couldn't get him to goofy smile. She even tried with the hand words, but she didn't know enough to really talk to him.

**_Dada ouch_ **

“What's wrong sweetie, you hurt? Where? Show Dada” He started poking and squeezing her and she pushed him off.

**_Dada. Dada ouch._ **

“No, baby girl, no ouchie, Dada’s ok. You must've got your mama's brains.” He gave the sad smile. Not good enough.

**_Dada hungry_ **

He made the little rumbly laugh and picked her up and snuggled her with his nose and she giggled. “I know, Dada’s just worried about Papa, ok?”

Come to think of it, Definitelynotmum/Papa hasn't been there in a while. Anna was used to not seeing him as much as mum and Dada and Notmum/Babb-Babb, but she usually got at least a little music time or something.

**_Song._ ** She stretched her arms toward Papa's big plinky music toy.

“I wish I could little one, but that's Papa’s stuff. I can sing you a lullaby…”

Anna cringed when he started singing baby songs.  _ No. No, I want the big girl songs like Papa sings me!  _ Dada sang good, but she wasn't  _ into _ the baby songs anymore! She squirmed and whined and cried, and then Dada was sad and mad at Papa and his eyes got weird and puffy and he squeezed Anna too tight and it made her mad.

“Why can’t I do this? Huh little one?” She stopped squirming and grunted. “It’s like the universe is conspiring against me. I get happy, then they're taken away. I think I've found happiness 3 more times, then I destroy that myself. Now this. I finally think we’re on track to fix it, and all I can think is 'what if this case kills him? What if he never comes home?’”

Anna leaned forward onto Dada’s chest. His rumbly talking made her sleepy. She yawned and squeaked a little and he chuckled again. “You're not goin' anywhere, are ya?” She answered with a soft snore, and he kissed her forehead. “Naptime.”

*****

The days had stretched on. Tony kept texting, occasionally coming home in the dead of night for clothes and some unconscious cuddling, and Jethro ached for his lover. He’d tried staying up to wait for him, but it seemed like Tony knew he was awake and stayed away. He kept opening the safe in the closet to check the wooden box and every time he found the gold ring nestled in the soft velvet. Tony was wearing the silver ring they’d taken camping. At least he hoped he was.

Jethro spun the gold ring on his finger and closed the box again, determined to get back to work. As much as he wanted to help, to solve the case, to yell and push everyone to work harder and faster, that wasn’t his place anymore. He had a boat in the basement again, but this time it was a special order from a friend. He grabbed the baby monitor and stepped toward the basement, but stopped when he heard a soft *thump* and a giggle. Then tiny retreating footsteps.   
  
“Time for a real bed,” he said to himself as he headed up the stairs toward Anna’s room. He found her on the floor pulling sheets and blankets out of the bottom drawer of her dresser, having liberated herself from her crib after waking from her nap.   
  
“Dadadadadada! Ut-oh!” She cried as she tossed the blankets into the air. One landed on top of her head and she squealed, clapping. Jethro laughed and pulled it off quickly. “ah-ha!” she held her hands in the air. Jethro tossed the blanket back onto her head and she squealed again. With that, he settled into a 15 minute long game of peek-a-boo as he reassembled the bottom drawer, and remembered just how good it felt to be home.    


*****

Yay! Anna finally made Dada goofy smile! She was a little worried he’d be grumpy when he saw her fort pile of blankies, but she knew the peek-a-boo would save her. It always did.

He still had sad smiles between the 'boo!'s that he tried to hide, but at least he had some goofy smiles. And he was doing his job of cleaning up after her, so that was good.

*****  
  
Jethro pulled the truck into his driveway as he saw Abby’s car pull away. He jumped out and tried to flag her down, but she sped up and headed back in the direction of the Yard. He stormed into the house to find Katherine standing in the kitchen, wiping her tear-stained face, and trying to cut up the broccoli and sweet potatoes for Anna’s lunch. “What’s wrong? Why was Abby here?”  
  
Katherine sniffled, “she just needed some things, but she won’t tell me what’s going on. They’re all OK physically, but she’s hurting, Jethro. A lot.” She dropped the chunks of food onto a plate and handed it to Anna. Who proceeded to flip the plate and hand it back. _How_ _polite_ Jethro thought.  
  
“Tony?” His chest tightened. He hadn’t gone this long without seeing Tony since…Mexico.  
  
Katherine shrugged. “Any time I asked, she said he was ‘dealing,’ whatever that means. I’m trying to hold it together, Jethro, I really am. For Anna, for Abby, for you…”  
  
Jethro crossed the room and pulled her into his arms, “hey, I can handle myself and Anna, and Abby’s not here.”   
  
Katherine tensed and started to push him away, but he kissed her forehead. Like a dam breaking, Katherine slumped into him. “She’s scared, and she’s pushing me away, and I’m scared, and then I’m mad at her for not being here, but that’s not fair because I know she WANTS to be here, but she can’t, so then I’m mad at myself…I can’t even focus on my cases at work, and I don’t even know what’s going on!”  
  
Jethro nodded, “I know. I know. They’ll be home soon. I promise.”  
  
He knew he shouldn’t promise something he couldn’t guarantee. But it _had_ to be true.  
  
*****  
Now Mum was sad mad. Dada was hugging her and distracting her from cutting up Anna's chicken, and it made Anna grumbly, but she had sweet potato, so it was almost ok.

Babb-Babb was gone too. Like Papa. She came home for a second and was all pouty and sad and puffy. She told Mum someone died and it hurts and Mum held her like she did when Anna cried and Babb-Babb cried like Anna did, and she fell down on the floor and begged Mum not to tattle to Dada. Anna thought it wouldn't work--Dada knows everything. But now Mum was sad and Dada was holding her but she didn't say anybody died.

Anna didn't like when growed ups cried. It made  _ her _ sad mad. She tossed a tiny tree at them and mum sniffled and sad smiled. And then their attention was back on her like it should be.

“Dadada!”  **_Drink_ ** _. _

“Yes, master.” Dada smiled and got her sippie. Anna smiled.  _ Finally! He acknowledges it! _

_ ***** _

Jethro was in the basement with the boat. Katherine was upstairs watching TV with Abby, but Tony hadn’t come home yet. He’d tried grilling her, but she shut down and Katherine had gone into full on protective mode, so he backed off. Abby was quiet. It was unnatural. He’d been on the verge of a panic attack and his choices were either the all night gun range, or the basement.   
  
At least he could drink in the basement.   
  
_ He just has reports to write up, he’ll be home soon _ . He told himself. They weren’t sliding back to the way things were. He wasn’t staying at the office out of spite or anger at him. It was a bad case. A long case. He’d probably had to kill someone. He always took some time to himself if someone died on his watch.   
  
The night wore on, and he heard the girls slowly make their way upstairs. Abby’s feet shuffled, as if Katherine was practically carrying her. Jethro sighed, and he thought about Tony. Should he go to the Yard? Check on him? No. He’d wait. He’d wait as long as he had to. He settled back down to the boat and took a pull from the coffee thermos he’d brought down with the bourbon.   
  
A few hours later, the front door clicked shut. He heard shoes being removed, the *thump* of a bag hitting the floor, and soft footsteps crossing the entry. Tony.   
  
The steps creaked as his lover slowly made his way down the stairs. Jethro filled the mason jar and passed it to him as he sat on the third stair like he used to do for so many years before. No words were shared as Tony finished the drink. Finally, he inhaled shakily and squared his jaw. “She’s dead.” He choked out.   
  
Jethro closed his eyes and slowed his breathing. No matter what Tony said right then, he needed the old Jethro. He needed his friend, not his lover, not his fiancée. “Who?”   
  
A tear rolled down Tony’s cheek. “Ziva.”    
  
Jethro felt like he’d been hit by a ton of bricks. He wanted to yell. He wanted to scream. Why didn’t they tell him?! But he caught himself. Tony looked destroyed. As obnoxious as Ziva had been, as cruel as she’d seemed at times, especially in the beginning, they’d grown to be close. Closer than either had let on, and he knew it. Jethro knelt in front of Tony, ignoring the pop of his bad knee, and put a hand on his thigh. He let Tony breathe, let the tears fall, and that’s when he realized this wasn’t just about Ziva. When Tony reached into his pocket and handed Jethro a photo. “Her name is Tali.” He whispered. Jethro looked at her light brown hair and green eyes and his gut clenched.   
  
“She’s yours.” It wasn’t a question. There was no doubt. Tony nodded. Jethro stared at the photo and swallowed hard. Any time he looked at Tony, his lover avoided his gaze. He touched a hand to his forehead, running his finger along his brow. He was ashamed of something. Not of Tali, but…”there’s something else.”   
  
The tears kept falling, but Tony straightened. His gaze was still down, his hands still jittery, constantly spinning the plain silver band on his left hand, but he spoke. “I resigned from NCIS.”    
  
Jethro swallowed hard. He waited. He wasn’t going to rush to conclusions, he wasn’t going to stop Tony from doing what he thought was best.   
  
“She’s lost everything, J. Ziva told her all about me, she knows me, and now I’m all she’s got. I’M her everything. I’ve never been somebody’s everything.”    
  
Jethro wanted to argue. He wanted to shout from the rooftops that Tony was HIS everything. But again, he waited. Tony wasn’t done. And if the past several weeks were any indication, he’d certainly made it  _ seem _ like Tony wasn't his everything.    
  
“You’ve got Anna and Katherine and Nate and Abby…and I know I have them too, but…I’ve never been NEEDED like this before. I can’t let her down. She needs all of me right now.”    
  
Jethro’s heart sank. They’d started to fix things, he’d even made an appointment with a counselor who specialized in military families and LGBT military, and now…”you’re leaving, aren’t you?” If he’d intended on coming home, Tali would have come with him. There’d be a glint of hope in his eyes.    
  
Tony’s closed eyes and shaking body told Jethro all he needed to know. He wanted to yell, and shout, and scream that Tony couldn’t do this to him. He wanted to drag him upstairs and nail him to the mattress and prove how much he was needed. But he locked that all away. He’d made this bed, and getting angry about it wasn't going to fix it.    
  
“She deserves to see her family. Her grandparents. Israel, maybe Paris, who knows. I’ve got to get to know her.” Tony brought a shaky and tentative hand to Jethro’s cheek, but instinctively he pulled back as if he’d been slapped. He clamped down on his emotions and focused on Tony.    
  
“How long?”    
  
Tony shook his head. “I don’t know.”    
  
Jethro pulled Tony into his arms and held him. Tony hesitated, stiff and scared, until he realized Jethro wasn’t trying to do anything but comfort him. He’d just told him he was leaving, and he still pulled him close. He relaxed and started sobbing. The stress and grief and fear and guilt washed over him as he held his lover and let everything go. He didn’t want to leave his home, he didn’t want things to change, but he didn’t think he could handle his grief over losing someone so close, the shock of loving someone so small so completely, AND repairing his relationship. Unfortunately, someone had to take a back seat, and Jethro was the grownup. He felt like Solomon, but instead of splitting a baby, he was tearing his heart in half, leaving part of himself here on the basement floor.    
  
Slowly, the tears stopped. Tony still clung to Jethro, but his breathing evened out. And Jethro spoke. He’d maintained his composure and tried to keep calm. “where is she?”    
  
“My father came. He’s with her at the Adams house. I’ve been…” Tony sniffled, “I’ve been staying there when I can.”    
  
Ziva was dead. Someone killed her. Jethro’s protective nature flared, and he snarled, “did you get them?”    
  
Tony nodded. “Him. I got him. Kort.” His hands clenched and shook, “I killed him.”    
  
Jethro squeezed him tighter, placing a hand to the back of his head, “good.”    
  
Silence fell between them again. Jethro knew Tony planned on returning to the Adams house that night, that this would be the only reconnecting they would get, and he wouldn’t let Tony go.    
  
“I loved her, J. Fuck me for actually falling for her, but I did. And she loved me.”    
  
Jethro just nodded. He’d suspected as much, but it still felt like a punch in the gut to hear his fiancée admit to loving someone else. “I know.”    
  
They sat together on the stairs for hours. Jethro thought the feeling was exaggerated until he woke in an impossibly uncomfortable position, tucked against the corner of the landing, with Tony curled against him. He stroked Tony’s hair gently and sighed, huffing in amusement as the unconscious man hummed in appreciation and his relaxed face eased into a smile. Aside from the ache in his heart and the eyes puffy from tears, and the need for a chiropractor appointment, this could have been any other good morning between them.   
  
Slowly Tony opened his eyes. Sadly, he brushed his left hand over Jethro’s heart and whispered, “I do love you.”    
  
Jethro heard Anna starting to stir on the monitor, so he pulled him up, groaning at the effort, and looked him in the eye. “I know that. I’ll  _ always _ love you.” Tony’s jaw shook as Jethro reached toward the work bench for something. “come back to me when you can.”    
  
Tony swallowed hard when he saw what was in Jethro’s hand.    
  
“But don’t take too long.  _ Please _ .” Jethro said, as he pressed the small wooden box into Tony’s hand, brushed a gentle kiss to his lips, and ascended the stairs toward his waking daughter.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Don't hate me!
> 
> Muse has been rolling this around, with slightly different details, almost since the start of this series! Once I wrote the last camping bit, this one poured out.
> 
> Thanks to Rocketscientists for suggesting some Anna POV. I felt like this was too rushed before, but when I put her observations in, it feels better to me. Not better for the boys, but more well rounded.
> 
> I may have to hide from AO3 for a few days until y'all run out of things to throw at me...


End file.
